


Cute

by dfbytc



Category: VIXX
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Dreams, M/M, Nightmares, Penetrative Sex, Psychological, Self Image Issues, self hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:28:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24236539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dfbytc/pseuds/dfbytc
Summary: In his dream, he stands there, on stage, with his long leather coat, striking, handsome, fierce.In his dream, his hands push Jaehwan down, and he wants Jaehwan to show what the stage doesn't know.-He is not sure what the man wants, if it’s what Jaehwan imagines, and most of all, he doesn’t know what the truth is.He lays his hands on his belly, starts to caress his stomach. The devil’s eyes wander, follow. He likes how his own hands feel on his skin. He wraps his arms around himself.Instincts will work for now.
Relationships: Jung Taekwoon | Leo & Lee Jaehwan | Ken, Lee Jaehwan | Ken/Lee Jaehwan | Ken
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Cute

The stage. The atmosphere. The makeup. The smell.

Lights, camera, action.

There he stands. Big, impressive. Just like he is supposed to. Perfect, ready. The poster come alive. The cloak heavy, hanging down the man’s shoulders. Leather, black. He doesn’t say anything. A strange feeling appears, it runs down his spine. He sees his eyes, a red that was gifted to the man out of Jaehwan’s imagination, a product of his fantasy, surely, he doesn’t look like this.  
  
This is him, but at the same time, it’s not. Black hair, combed back, slick. It’s died, he knows, the light reflects differently on his natural color. Silver, the same rings on his bony fingers. The weight doubles on the bed, the separate stage, with the man kneeling on in, approaching. This is him, a mirror, yet, it’s twisted, the person he recognises, he is different, a stage persona. It’s him, yet it’s not, face perfect copy, plump lips glossy with tint, eyes smoky, black. Black as his clothes, the darkness swallows him, now with the spotlights turned off, but Jaehwan recognises his silhouette, the way it moves, the form of his body, the one he shares. The man tilts his head, perfect skin, opens his lips, says his name, with a small bite on his bottom lip, teases the second syllable to leave his mouth.

Jae. Hwan.

A slight smile, he sees his teeth, in the darkness. He is drawn to them, they appear to be the only thing that is surely human, somehow. He reaches out, wants to touch his face, tries to test if the nightmare will come alive. The skin is hot. The man smiles. Paralyzed, Jaehwan lets the devil prevail.  
  


  
“What are you? Who am I?”

It’s not a simple question, Jaehwan drowns in thoughts. He is Jaehwan. Lee Jaehwan. But he is also Ken. Jaehwanie. VIXX’s cute main vocal, as he always introduces himself. And he is more. He is the hovering devil pushing him down, smiling triumphantly as he intertwines their hands, their fingers, the rings grind against each other and hurt him.  
  


  
“Who are you? What am I?”

He is a big man that likes to pretend he is small. Physically strong, but craves attention, wants help whenever he can get it. Wonshik, he thinks of Wonshik, teasing him, dotting over him, letting him feel cute. He loves it. He loves him. He lets him be what he wants to be. And then, he is his parent’s son. A mama’s boy. He is a brother. He is a lover. He is an idol. One of Korea’s concept-dols. He is an actor, a singer, a dancer, albeit not the best one.

But also, a human being, just like everyone else.

The man lets go, rips open his button up pyjama, Jaehwan can’t react fast enough.  
  
The man points down his heart, finger placed over the cage of bones.  
  


  
“Who is this?”

But most of all, Jaehwan recalls, he is this: a performer.

And, the person on top of him.

He swallows.

“Whoever I need to be.”

  
The grin on the man’s face widens.

  
"The raw Jae Hwan. Show me."

Jaehwan stares at him.

“Show me.”

He acts automatically.

Jaehwan, pushes the man away, he lands on the side. He looks down the man, now standing on his knees, feels the chill of the night on his chest. He lets the cloth slide of his shoulders. The man yanks down his trousers, the frenzy in his eyes letting the red come alive.

  
“Perform. For me.”  
  


Jaehwan removes his clothes, all shakily, but does as he is told.

“Show me who this truly is.”  
  


He is not sure what the man wants, if it’s what Jaehwan imagines. He doesn’t know what the truth is.

  
  
He lays his hands on his belly, starts to caress his stomach. The devil’s eyes wander, follow. He likes how his own hands feel on his skin. He wraps his arms around himself, hugs his body in a lover’s embrace, envelopes his neck in his strong hands. His fingers run loose, over his face, through his hair, get stuck on his half open mouth. He bites down his lip, reaches for himself and grabs firmly.

Instincts will work for now.  
  
His cock is big, just like the rest of his body, just like _his_. Thick, velvet skin, pulsating in his hand. He often whished he was smaller, although he knows, people ogle at his wide shoulders, the long limbs, his strong calves, his veiny hands. Everything about him seemed big, made him feel uncomfortable, but _they_ said they _loved it_. He wanted to be small. He wanted to be adorable. He wanted to be a pet. 

That’s what he wants to show.

He is adorable.

He is sweet.

He is cute.

He wants his cock to be pink and plumb, dripping with love. His skin flushed. Picture perfect. He wants to be cute. Cheeks rosy. Nose runny. Sweet odour. Cute.  
  
Is he cute?

His bony structure was taking up so much space, he always wanted to vanish behind big shirts and oversized pullovers. He wore shorts because they were childlike, adorable, cute. He looked so cute, everyone would tell him that. Hakyeon, Wonshik, even Taekwoon.

He pumps but the man doesn’t respond, and Jaehwan climbs on top of him. The leather pants, how many times he put them on, got them off. He zips them open, pulls them down. 

He wants to be perceived as delicate, sweet, soft.  
  
Is he cute now?  
  
The man under him is broad, burning, hard, all meat and bones.

He watches the man’s thick girth, wants it to make him small.  
  
It’s the only logical way.

In this reality, it is.  
  
It will make him small. It will make him cute.  
  


If he falls apart like this, he will be.

  
He prepares to sit on top of the man, but the man pulls him down by his arms, kisses the tears that have formed away. He feels the man’s lashes on his cheeks, as he proceeds to follow the tears, reaching his mouth. He kisses him on his lips.  
  
He turns Jaehwan around, now on top of him, spreading his legs apart.

It’s so warm, so hot, the man is still wearing the leather cloak, covering up Jaehwan’s cold body.  
  


The rings press into his thighs.  
  


He noses up his jaw.

  
His teeth grace his neck.

  
  
He pushes into Jaehwan, and Jaehwan almost shrieks.

It’s not the same as the heat. It’s not the same as the rings imprinting on his skin, nor the teeth, his fingers.  
  
He swallows Jaehwan’s cry with his mouth, crushes into him as Jaehwan’s naked arms wrap around him for hold.  
  


He is trapped. He feels big, he feels small. It’s all hot, the air is cold. He is being torn apart, but it’s ok. He feels small. Small is cute. Small is good. Good is cute. Small is cute.

“Who is this?” The panting man asks, sweat dripping down his face, brows knitted.

Jaehwan shakes his head, he cannot tell.

Small. Big. Hot. Cold. Soft. Hard. Adorable. Despicable.

Filthy, filthy, filthy.

In this paradox way, he is cute.

He desperately wants to be cute.

“Jaeh-“  
  


“Who-“  
  
He slams into him.  
  
“Is-“  
  
Again.  
  
“This?-“

Again.

He is a small man, a boy. He is adorable. He is sweet. He is cute. He is tiny. The man is big, the man they named Ken is big and strong, but Jaehwan is small, Jaehwan is tiny, so tiny and small he tears Jaehwan apart, but he doesn’t see it.

Why won’t he see it?  
  


“I am-!”  
  
“Who-“  
  
“Cute—” Jaehwan chokes out.  
The man grabs him by his jaw and pushes him down.

Again and again and again, pushes into him, breathes into, breaks into him.  
  


“The cutest-“ he moans, and Jaehwan finally feels relieved, he sees it too, that Jaehwan is cute, that Jaehwan is adorable, that he the sweetest and softest boy, he finally recognises it too! Oh what joy, Jaehwan thinks, as Ken’s hard cock dives into Jaehwan that is all soft tissue and warmth, he has proof now that he is cute, adorable and cute, now that he said it.  
  


It makes him delirious.

  
Ravish me. I am small. I am cute. And then, pick me up and ravish me again, show me I am small and adorable, I am worthy of love. I am a flower, so pretty, and delicate, you rub your nose into my depths and enjoy my sweet smell. Suck up my nectar. All because I am sweet and soft and cute.

And the man continues to deflower him, hips on hips, lips on skin, tongue dived into heat.

  
He pulls back, Jaehwan can breathe again, but he slams into him again, he is high above him, he is beneath him, looking up.  
  


Then, he leans back, pulls one of Jaehwan’s legs up, over his shoulder, grins the devilish grin, the one the stage loves.

“But look!”  
  


The man laughs.

He laughs, and then he takes everything away from Jaehwan.

  
Jaehwan heart halts, his eyes glued to the point their bodies are connected. The black button up the man wears is ruined, coming apart, revealing a strong body, sweat plastered.

The man pulls at Jaehwans leg and hits into Jaehwan, his hips move upwards, Jaehwan’s hard cock bunching up, full of juices, thick and big and needy. His muscles strain, his joints bend, his bones grind against each other.

He doesn’t want to see it.

“God you are so cute-!”

The man moans as Jaehwan starts to cry, no he is not, he is not cute, he is big and strong and he wants his big clothes back to hide his body, hide from the world, from the stage and the fans and tabloids. But most of all, he wants to hide from the lights, they show off his grotesque nature, unapologetically, bleach the contrast he always tries to hide behind.

He is mocked, he wanted to show he is cute, the opposite of what they expect him to be, the opposite of what he is.

“Ado-able-“

He cries and cries and the worlds come down crumbling, the showlights shine, burn as his naked body reflects white in the light, every muscle visible and moving under the skin and sweat, as the man is kissing his leg, muttering cute, but the doesn’t see it, instead he hears a mocking laugh, perverting the word cute into an ugly sound.

-

That night, Jaehwan suddenly woke up, thrown out of his dream. His body was cold, and he broke down crying, violent sobs that didn’t let him breathe properly. Through the terror that was taking over his body, for some reason, he remembered that Taekwoon had a single bed that he didn’t share with anyone, just like him. He stumbled through the darkness, the foreign rooms they occupied that night, hands spread out find his way to Taekwoon’s room. He managed to find him, and Taekwoon, woken up by the sounds, waited for Jaehwan to just come to him, not saying anything. He immediately opened up the cover of his bed, and Jaehwan lied down next to him, burying his face into Taekwoon’s neck. Taekwoon didn’t ask what was going on. He knew, what darkness was hidden inside Jaehwan’s heart, for he shared a similar darkness of a different shape. Taekwoon recognised Jaehwan’s needs. He wrapped his arms around the younger, patting his hair, a slow rhythm, full of warmth he rarely displayed.

The sky was changing colours when Jaehwan finally fell asleep again.


End file.
